The wonderful minds at Yahoo! Italy (love those sexy Italians…) have figured out approximate calorie counts for the various sex acts we all love to practice in the dark.
If you haven’t yet woken up from a random sex spree and attempted to calculate how many calories you burned while performing unmentionables, you’re either lying or doing it wrong.
But now you can print out this handy dandy list and never wake up wondering again!
Making Out, 30 minutes: 230 calories
Heck yes. This is a favorite among drunk girls and any dude with a working penis. Burning those 230 calories is the only thing preventing you from hating yourself for sucking face with that questionable blur from the night before.
Foreplay, 20 minutes: 87 calories for women, 107 calories for men
What are the guys doing that the gals aren’t? Add a strip tease into that foreplay session, ladies, and you’ve worked off an entire York Peppermint Patty!
Unclasping a bra with both hands: 8 calories
Lame. But if those fingers need some agility training, by all means go for it. Gotta keep the digits fit for manual labor, if you know what I mean. (Giggity.)
Unclasping a bra with one hand: 18 calories
Burns more calories, impresses less women.
Unclasping a bra with your mouth: 67 calories
Keep my lingerie out of your mouth. I don’t care how much you’ve been practicing, and if you break a tooth, I’m going home.
Strip Tease: 60 Calories
If you’re only wiggling and jiggling enough to burn off a couple of Triscuits you might want to take a hint from “Magic Mike” or “Showgirls” and put a little booty into it. You surely can up that calorie count at least to Kit Kat status. (200 calories.)
Oral Sex: 100 calories
I suppose when it comes to cunnilingus I can imagine the giver’s position only offers enough physical activity to lick away 100 calories, but there’s no way in hell that a chick giving good head to a penis burns a mere 100 clips.
That up, down, all-around movement is as much an ab workout as it is TMJ torture (but in the sexiest way) and unless you’re trying to get it over with before “Sex and the City” reruns start on TBS, you’re burning at least enough to warrant scarfing a bag of M&Ms afterward. (Plain ones. 236 calories.)
Missionary Position, 10 minutes: 250 calories
If you’re one of those chicks who lies there like a wet blanket waiting for her partner to give her an O-face, I doubt 250 calories are melting from her midsection.
But Missionary givers, on the other hand, are working up a serious sweat while they shove it to their partners. Keep it going to the beat of some good old house music and you’ll probably get up to a Peanut Butter Twix. (308 calories.)
Woman on Top, 10 minutes: 300 calories for women, 130 calories for men.
Yep, sounds about right. Ish is exhausting but hot as hell.
Sex Standing Up: Up to 600 calories for both people.
Especially for those of us whose flexibility allows for toe-touching and floor stands, sex on two legs is a serious workout. Plus it feels damn good getting deep in there.
Masturbation: Up to 150 calories per session.
Depends on how many tools, limbs and spit-takes you need to get the job done.
Orgasm: From 60-100 calories
This is the best kind of sex-ercise, cuz there’s no work involved. Once you’ve reached the summit, all you gotta do is let go and enjoy the ride back to Earth.
So rad that 30 seconds-or-so of ecstasy can wipe away half a Mounds bar.